am i still angry?
okay, so if you knew me in high school or in college, i could have been described as an angry gentleman. i was very angry. i had so much anger that it spilled out into everything i did, especially my writing. many times, what i wrote was completely fuled by hate and anger.
these days, i’m not really that angry of a person. i often wonder where the anger has gone. but last night, for i think the first time, i wondered at what i was angry. this is the conclusion i came to, i was angry at high school. for a lot of things: not preparing me AT ALL for college, the stupid things i was required to do EVERY DAY, the dumb people, the unfairness of the education system in illinois and the chicago suburbs, and a lot more.
i know that i’m still angry at high school, but no where near the levels i felt before. my anger has faded into the background, as time and life have moved me further away from high school. so, i’m left with a question: does this mean i have grown up? am i an adult because i’m no longer so mad at the world?
does anyone else feel this way?
:P
This is from Jaime.
Amen, my brother. Although – I don’t think I would have described you as necessarily angry in HS. Jaded is the word that comes to mind, with bitter after-tones perhaps, but definitely jaded.
I think I was quite in the same way as you then. Which would explain why I always needed you around as my friend. You understood. I think some of the anger is sourced exactly from what you say – the lack of preparedness. We were always told we were SO smart and SO gifted but we were never taught how to just live day-to-day. Figuring that out sucked, and sometimes in a severe way. Nearly 15 years on, we get the ephemeral ‘it’ as much as we’re going to now, so the anger/jadedness has passed.
Suburbs are poison for raw, young minds. Stay in the city!
Comment by Norm — October 22, 2008 @ 6:12 am