NormBlog

This is my last day of not turning out more than 2k words. nanowrimo will still let you in. Come on… Come on…

:P

Funky, funky stuff!

I am not sure how I feel about this stuff. It’s weird, it’s wacky, and it kinda speaks to me. Let me know how you feel about it.

:P

Flickr: Photos from labfreak23

I am doin’ the flickr thang. I LIKE this service.

:P

we are in a very large, blue room. cerulean blue. there are no where near enough people to fill the room, but we’re all crammed together so it feels tight. a projector starts and we are watching an instructional film about something boring. i think it is about driving. the smith system, which is all about honking at everything. you know, to let them know you’re there.

dan says, “i think i see neil gaiman over there,” for no good reason.

the whole thing is filmed in point-of-view of the driver. it takes a turn for the weird when we follow the turning of his head. he looks out the passenger window to the shoulder and there’s a woman sitting cross-legged a little too close to the road. he honks, of course.

he pulls off a little past her and gets out. the door closes and he turns to walk back toward the woman. she is in shabby clothes and looks stoned, all blissed-out. he leans down to her and she looks up with her big eyes. he says, “hey honey [seriously, he calls her honey], are you all right?”

she says, “i’m waiting for the prophet. he’s coming.”

a murmur goes through the crowd, “the prophet?”

the pov turns and there is another scruffy looking hippy walking this way. this time it’s a man, with unkempt, frizzy hair. he kinda looks like stallman without the beard. he flops down next to her and begins to wait. he looks pretty stoned as well.

people in the audience begin to plop down on the ground as well. they all look stoned.

dan turns to me and says, “man, we need better drugs.” i just shrug. by this time, 4/5ths of the audience is sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking all blissed-out at the thought that in some instructional driving movie the prophet is coming. i’m full on freaked now.

julee grabs dan and i by the arms and drags us out of the blue room. the soothing, dark, cerulean blue room. we walk out to the car. she gets in the back seat and dan gets behind the wheel. i sit shotgun. we just sit there for a while. finally julee says, “man, those fucking propheters!”

dan starts the car and backs out of the spot. we pull out onto the road. dan does not honk. i’m not sure where he is going. we are on one of those suburban roads that switches from strip malls to empty fields with a soothing kind of regularity. just past the last strip mall, we see a man sitting cross-legged on the shoulder. and then another, and another, and another until they’re only about ten feet apart.

julee makes a little noise, a scared noise. she half whispers, “did you hear that? it sounded like a dog.”

“hear what?” i say.

“a dog. sounded like a dog howling. didn’t you hear it?”

“no,” says dan. “i didn’t hear anything”

“they say a howling dog will proclaim…” she kinda trails off.

“look, if i want to hear a dog howl, i can just stand outside my apartment for a while when i leave in the morning. rudie always howls when i leave,” i say. “don’t think she is proclaiming shit.”

“no, listen!” she snaps. “you can’t hear that?! it’s so clear. like it’s just…”

i turn around in my seat to look at julee. she is pulling her legs up on the seat until she is sitting cross-legged. “it means he’s coming. the prophet. a howling dog means the prophet is coming. i… it… the pro…” as i am looking at her, her face goes pale, then relaxes. her eyes get wide and her pupils dilate. she’s all blissed-out.

dan brakes harshly to keep from blowing a yellow. when he’s just about stopped, julee rolls over to the door and hops out. she jogs to the shoulder and just flops down, cross-legged. she leaves the door open.

“the fuck?!” yells dan. “fine! whatever!” he floors it. the door slams shut. “damn profit. all this damn country thinks a-damn-bout is money!”

“not profit,” i say, “prophet, like ezekiel.”

“oh…”

and then, i can hear it, plain as day. a dog howling. not far off. at first i am a little scared. i get all tingly and excited. “i think i can hear that dog, man. i hear something howling. do you? can you hear this, dan? it’s great! it’s like, i don’t know, music! like church music…” dan says nothing. “like bells wrapped in a howl…” still saying nothing. “i think… i mean… i think he’s…” dan is so quiet through all this. can he hear me? “dan, it’s just so… it’s so damn pretty.”

it is really hard to move my head, but i slowly look down and see that i am sitting cross-legged. i keep the effort up and slowly, so slowly, turn my head to the left to see dan. he is tucking his right leg under his left on the seat. he isn’t really driving anymore. he isn’t touching the wheel.

my head turns back forward, on its own. there’s a bright light behind us. very bright. too bright. it hurts but i don’t care. my eyes are so open. i can see my reflection and some of dan’s in the windshield. we both looked blissed-out, even as the pole comes rushing toward the car, spoiling the reflection of our peaceful faces.

he’s so close, the prophet.

me and pkd 2002-01-07

i was sitting at the coffee shop, ditching class, drinking coffee. i checked my watch, ten to noon. two hours to kill before i ditch my next class.

out of no where this guy sits down across from me. he says, “knew i’d find you down here. i heard that you have some questions.”

i had never seen this guy before in my life. “what?” i asked kind of lamely.

“what’s that you’re reading? kant? oh, come on! you gotta release yourself form this white man crap!”

“it’s for class,” i responded, also lamely. “who are you again?” you see, i was kind of annoyed now.

“i tell you what, you finish your chapter, or whatever and i’ll go get us something to drink. you look like you could use some more coffee. be right back.”

he got up and walked to the counter. i read a little more and put it away. when i looked up from my bag, he was back at the table.

“you still take it black, right? although that will change soon enough, i think.” i took a good look at this guy for the first time. he was big and bearded, the salt-and-pepper kind. he popped a pill and took a bottle of something out of his army-surplus field jacket and measured out some powder on his crook of his hand between his index finger and his thumb. then he snorted it and sneezed.

i asked, “snuff?” he nodded.

“never could stand cigarettes,” he said. “okay, here’s the deal. i’m here before you really need me, but that makes all this easier… for me at least. i know that you are really into conspiracies right now, and that is good. paranoia is the key to this thing. but forget all that crap right now. what do you know about hinduism?”

“i know that there are three main gods, they act as kinda a trinity. one creates the universe, one sustains the universe and one destroys it. that last part of time, before the universe is destroyed is the kali yuga. and the world is complete chaos then. oh, and there is this stuff called sam… sam-something that is the world we see, but that is all an illusion. right?”

he looks at me for a minute, all quiet. then he says, “how did you know all that? you’re not supposed to know all that yet.”

“i don’t know, i just do, i guess.” he made me feel sheepish.

“anyway,” he continued, “that’s right. but there are many other gods in that religion. where do you think they came form?”

“i don’t know. i guess that folklore always needs more than just a basic story. you gotta flesh it out with something.”

“wrong! dead wrong. how about norse mythology. you know any of that?”

i said, “my mom used to read that to me as a kid, but i’ve forgotten most of it. i mean, i know odin and thor and loki and asguard, but that’s about it. oh yeah, and the fates. there were the three fates who foretold of the destruction of asguard and odin. right?”

“that’s right. they did. and all of those stories end with ‘and everyone dies at the end of time.’ a little depressing, huh?”

“well, they did live in norway and sweeden, not like those places are paradise, you know.” i thought i was being cute there.

“the point here is that there is a great battle at the end of time. odin (and it is pronounced wodin, by the way) has been collecting the greatest fighters who worshipped him and the other norse gods in valhalla, where they feast and train for the final battle. now, odin knows that he will lose this battle, because he gave one of his eyes for a drink from the horn of knowledge. he has seen the future and knows that he will lose, but he also knows that the next world will be a perfect one. so, he’s okay with losing. but he is still going to put up one hell of a fight.

now, let’s compare that to the book of revelations. sound familiar? it’s just that odin is on the other side of that fight, if you will. but the myths are spun to make it still seem that he wears the white hat, if you catch my drift.”

by this time he is talking really fast.

he continued, “and what about the biblical back story? the angels and stuff. the fall. what about lucifer? he chose to rule in hell rather than serve in heaven. he made himself a god. or, at least, he wanted to be a god.”

now, i chimed in, “yeah, i always chose to see lucifer as the only of god’s angels strong enough to lose the presence of the word. he was chosen to fall.”

“i suppose that is one way to look at it, but it is probably wrong. certainly, god would foresee that lucifer would choose to fall, but why then would he create a creature who would manufacture a war in heaven? chalk it up to mysterious ways? i think not. no, i think that angels are more like humans than you are making them out to be. i think that they had emotions and the ability to choose just like you and i do.”

me again, “but what about that whole tree of knowledge thing. isn’t that when we got free will?”

“likely not, because how else could eve choose to eat of the fruit and then choose to make adam eat it, too. no, i think it is just as it was written. the fruit was one of knowledge, the knowledge of good and evil. no, angels could make decisions.”

“i see where this is going. you are saying that the norse gods were fallen angels. that’s good! because they would not only be fulfilling their wish to rule, to be gods, but they would also be taking worship away from god. i like that.”

“i knew you were smart. that’s right. and, lucifer would know that he had no chance to beat god, but he could be assured that god would do a better job next time around. what did he have to lose?”

“but,” i asked, “what does this have to do with hinduism? granted that there is a trinity in there, but there is no sense of tension amongst the gods, like in this? how do they fit in?”

“it’s like this,” and he chuckled a little, “the idea here is that there is little interaction between the gods, and the men, with the creator god. he is above it all, so to speak. that is the important idea.

“but don’t get bogged down in the metaphors. you know how it works. it is like science. no one model claims to exactly capture the nature of the universe. they only claim to accurately describe parts. because humans use what works!”

he was all worked up again. i took this opportunity to get us more coffee, not that he needed it though.

when i got back, he continued. “i touched on an idea that needs more explaining, i think. brahma is impersonate. he is not benevolent. he does not care. he sleeps. so, what can we know about him? what can we learn about such a power? who is the creator, really?”

“i don’t know. it is the unconscious of the creator which facilitates the creation. waking up is the end, right? so, to know the creator is to end creation.”

“exactly! to know the creator is to exit creation. that is the most important idea in all of religion. it is christian optimism that places benevolence upon the creator. and speaking of christians, isn’t is interesting that there are three separate gods in the bible. there is the creator, the holy spirit (sustainer of the faith), and the son who comes to end creation in revelations. interesting, huh?”

“you know,” i said, “i wrote a paper as a sophomore in high school that tried to discuss the shifting aspect of god in the bible. that the ancient hebrews could only deal with a vengeful god, and that the roman’s could only deal with a peace-loving god. i call it ‘the metaphor’.”

“yeah? that’s a great name for it. because that is what all religion really is. it is always metaphor. ‘god is love.’ ‘god is life.’ ‘jesus is the son.’ these are all metaphors. but, more than that, religion is a metaphor. that is just the way the human mind works. that is the way language works. (of course, those are equivalent statements, now aren’t they.) but the creator is the most important metaphor.”

“i don’t follow,” i admitted.

“who created the creator? or, better yet, who created the creator myth? we did. humans did. what does that mean?”

“i guess, on the surface, it would be the whys of the world. ‘why did my mom die when i was born?’ ‘why does the sun shine?’ those sort of things, right? but…”

“but…” he prompted.

“but, underneath it is a personification of reason. when we don’t understand something, we can pawn it off on god, or the creator. and under that, the creator is hope. we hope that there is more than just chance for our existence. it cannot just be luck. something should have intervened and made decisions. someone should have created the laws which allowed for the random interaction of chemicals which lead to life on this rock!” now i was worked up. i liked this guy.

“are you familiar with the idea of the prime mover?” he asked.

“yeah, that is the idea that a being moved first, of its own volition, which set in motion all of creation. i hate that idea.”

“me, too. but there is a piece of the puzzle in that idea. something which creates itself. with full knowledge of what it does. on minute there is nothing, the next minute there is god and he has a plan. i like that idea.”

now, it was my turn to agree. “me, too.” we sat for a minute in silence. we just drank our coffees.

“okay,” he said, breaking the silence, “now let’s really get to it. once, i believed that this world was a trap. it was a cage to keep us from the truth. i believed in a duality, there was us on the earth and our godlike astral selves. the word was a test that we placed ourselves in. we were at once both captors and captives. but, jesus broke that barrier and came back to show the rest of us the way out. meanwhile, some had become so invested in their earthly power, that they would keep us bound. and so, they opposed salvation. and that was the root of evil. i was close.”

“what do you mean?”

“do you believe that man is created in god’s image?”

“absolutely,” i said.

“what do you think that means?”

“i guess that means that we are in some way divine. that we possess some aspects of the godhead.”

“what if we are the exact image of the divine?”

“i don’t follow.”

“well, didn’t we talk about god willing himself into existence?”

“right,” i said, “he created himself.”

“right. but what is the time frame in that?”

“time frame?” i was completely lost.

“which came first, the willing or the creation?” he was trying to lead me now.

“wouldn’t they be simultaneous? the will is the act is the result. no time has passed. right?”

“well, what if time did pass? what if it was a retroactive thing?” i was giving him a funny look. “i mean, how would it work if god went back and created himself? okay, let’s assume that god exists and then wonders how he got where he is. so, he goes back, way back, and creates himself. just to solve that little logic problem. do you think that god could do that? do you think god is bound by time?”

i needed a few seconds to process. “okay,” i said, “what you are asking me is do i believe that god is not omniscient. no, i do not believe that.”

“you think that even god could work out that little problem?”

“i don’t think it is a problem for god. he does not suffer from existential dilemmas. mostly because he was there for his own creation.”

“and you were there for your own birth, what do you know about that. i know that is a bad argument. i know that the human brain is born not fully formed to facilitate the birth process. but, the idea is there. what do you know of your origins? with absolute certainty? is your dad really your dad? do you know absolutely? no you don’t. you can’t.”

“is this line of thought leading to a faith question? because that is not where i want this to go.”

“no, it’s not a faith thing. i posit that humans are god, are the creator. we breached the time barrier and created the universe just for us to inhabit. we went back in time to create ourselves, the creator, so that we could create our world and ourselves, the humans. we created the angels, so that some could fall and take up the roles of gods for us to follow. we are the sleeping brahma. and the whole thing works because it is our unconscious will to exist. when we wake up, it ends.

“i was on to something when i realized that we were dual in nature. but, the world we live in is the reason for creation. and the creator is inscrutable because knowledge of him is self knowledge. and you know, when you realize you are dreaming, you change the dream. the heisenburg uncertainty principle and schoedinger’s cat all rolled into one.

“how can we have free will and predestination at the same time? we can if we are both creator and creation.”

i glanced at my watch, stunned, and then looked up again. he was gone. i looked back down at my watch. it said ten to noon.

National Novel Writing Month

November is close. Can you smell it? I can. I’m gonna try writing a novel this year. Should be fun. I’m also going to use Emacs to do it (probably). Won’t you join me?

:P

“I like boobies. You like boobies. Everybody should like boobies. Boobies rock the house!”

– anne lombaer, 2005-10-16 6:07 pm CDT

My wife is the awesomest!!!

:P

I am back on Emacs. I have made some breakthroughs that I wish to share.

1st, I am not sure how a person is supposed to learn Emacs in CLI. Lo siento, no es posible. But in the GUI, that makes all the difference! I can navigate the menus (which is easy with a mouse) AND learn what the keyboard shortcuts are.

I have gotten it so that the GUI Emacs and the CLI emacs have (almost) the same functionality. I am learning how to use the .emacs file. Life is good.

What I have right is a great text editor that will check spelling as I type and give me a word count. What it won’t do is wrap the text by the word (instead of character count), the spell checking gives me the correct options, but replacing the misspelled word is tricky, and I am not sure that I agree with the way the word count is counting words (are contractions one or two words?).

:P

Hoopty Rides

I gotta say, this dude can write. Not only is he personally friends with Coop (of my lighter fame), a gear-head, and craftsman of cool crap; this dude can turn a phrase.

Personal fav, “You can put a bottlecap, used teabag, spider eggs, a piece of Bazooka or the Bat Phone under a glass dome and it immediately ups the ante. Stop toiling, people! Your art stinks! Glass dome it and move on!” Gotta love that crap!!!

:P